Farewell, Goblin King

David Bowie has died of liver cancer. So many people seem to be taking this extra hard, and I’m one of them. It’s so weird. A lot of my friends feel the way I do, they can’t explain why we are so sad, especially those of us who wouldn’t call ourselves huge fans. I’d say I’m more of a David Bowie admirer than anything. I’ve been thinking about it since early this morning when I found out he passed. A friend of mine (in regards to Lemmy Kilmister’s death) said that the “trinity” was complete: Scott Weiland, Lemmy, and now Bowie. I didn’t know what she was talking about, and that’s how I got the news.

When musicians die, I think we feel it so deeply because these “relationships” we create with them are perfect, and they have said things we could never figure out how to say on our own. I think the only conclusion I can come up with that best explains why this musician’s death has hit me the way it has, is that his music and image without a doubt remind me of my childhood. I can’t think of a single negative thing associated with him and his music. And maybe that’s comforting? He was a flashy glittery spaceman which appealed to me. I remember watching his videos on MTV in the 80’s like Modern Love and Let’s Dance, (wasn’t he on every single awesome 80’s movie soundtrack as well??). I remember movies like Labyrinth and The Hunger, which I knew of, but didn’t see until I was a twenty-something. Space Oddity & Under Pressure are two of the many special songs in this world that can bring me to tears.

I also associate David Bowie (and Queen) with my first and only pregnancy. In my first trimester, I had severe morning/all-day sickness and lost 13 lbs, this lasted well into my second trimester. I now suspect I could have had undiagnosed hyperemesis gravidarum, but that’s another blog topic for a later date. I’d get in bed to rest and try to cool down (god damn that Texas heat) and I’d snack on pretzel sticks and lemonade while listening to my iPod in bed, trying unsuccessfully to cope with the nausea and vomiting. I’m not sure why I gravitated toward Bowie then. It just sounded good and soothed me.

Bowie/Bowie-related songs I had on my iPod at the time:

  1. Under Pressure
  2. Lady Grinning Soul (original and a violin cover version by Lucia Micarelli)
  3. The Heart’s Filthy Lesson
  4. Bring Me The Disco King (Danny Lohner remix w/Maynard James Keenan)
  5. Something In The Air
  6. China Girl
  7. Rebel Rebel

My son was lucky enough to have a listen as well since I’d occasionally put my headphones on my belly and wait for the swishes and swirls as he started to spin around in response to the music. And that is why to this day I still get super emotional whenever I hear Under Pressure. It’s going to be a while before I can listen to it without getting extra sad because now it’s a heavy dose of raw emotion and a double loss of two brilliant souls.

I’ve felt melancholy all day. It’s such a shame.
I’m just glad he’s not suffering anymore.

Time May Change Me by Helen Green

I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.

Rest now.

Last week was just shitty. A lot of awful things happened all at once. I had a really sick kid, and I lost a high school friend… Sigh.

My son had his first medical emergency ever. He was really scaring┬áthe shit out of me, (he was severely lethargic, not talking, dehydrated, not eating, acting like a total zombie) so we took him to the ER. I honestly thought the doc was going to call me paranoid and I’d feel silly for overreacting and just send us home with something for his cough and fever. He had a chest x-ray and it turns out his whole left lung was fucked. He had a pretty serious pneumonia, my poor baby was not getting enough oxygen. We had to be transported by ambulance to a children’s hospital in Dallas. We were there a few days while he got IV fluids and antibiotics. He’s better now, still recovering. I’m glad that’s over. My anxiety will disappear once he’s back to 100% normal.

One of my friends from high school passed away. We weren’t close, but it is still a sad thing for someone to die so young. I regret not being able to hang out again and catch up on old times. We had some good memories, one in particular: our trip along with another friend of ours Jennifer to the Texas Renaissance Festival when we were 16. We enjoyed the faire, spent money on crap like jewelry, watched boys, admired the costumes and ogled the chain mail goods. We walked around eating turkey legs and fried alligator, I got a cartilage piercing that never quite healed and left a scar! Later that night we spent the night in a huge tent on the campgrounds and got very drunk when strangers invited us to share their keg. There was a bonfire, music, so much happiness and celebrating. I’ll never forget it. I always wish I had photos from those two days, and even though I don’t have any, I still remember everything so vividly. I don’t need photos. Here’s one of me and her (middle) and another one of our friends, Maryann in high school.

Forever young.

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Rest now, girl. The pain is over. <3